2017 New Years Resolutions

None of us are perfect. We have all made mistakes and have regrets.

I personally have made many many mistakes this year and I do regret a lot of them. 

I have bailed on friends
I procrastinate a LOT
I am a very messy person 
I have been a shitty friend 
I have had some shitty friends that I've let walk all over me 
I have self harmed
I sometimes didn't appreciate my boyfriend enough
I cared too much about what other people think of me
I spent money on things I absolutely did not need
I ate far too much crappy foods
I didn't take enough care of my body
I craved too much attention
I became jealous very easily
I didn't appreciate some of the people in my life whilst they were still around me
I let anxiety make multiple decisions for me
I have even used my mental illness as a barrier to block out people

As you can see from that list, I have made a LOT of mistakes this year. I bet if you made a list of some of the things you've fucked up this year it would be just as long. Thats because mistakes make us human. None of us are perfect.

As well as all the mistakes, I have also made some amazing choices this year.

I let go of negative friends and stopped letting myself be walked over
I got an amazing photography job with an amazing photography company
I hit the 6 month clean mark from self harm
I got an A in my HNC Photography
I joined a gym
I realised that I can enjoy my own company without feeling lonely

Notice the list of positive things I can think of is significantly smaller - thats because we all focus of the negatives in life. And that is exactly what my resolution is for 2017 - stop being so negative and start being a LOT more positive. 

Be kind to everyone but more importantly be kind to yourself.
Lets make 2017 the best year yet.

FIVE things that are making me happy right now

Although it is broken, I have the utmost love for them all. We are trying to fight battles at the moments but I am so proud of all of them for being strong and not letting the sh*t parts of life bring them down.

I absolutely love both of my jobs - my dental nursing job this week has allowed me to meet new faces and some of the patients say the sweetest things.
Customers at my photography job have been saying lovely things about the company and our work - nice reviews are always welcomed.

This week my boyfriend told me he would love to live with me after we discussed getting a flat together - this alone has made my week! <3

My Palma Nova holiday is growing ever so closer and next week, after I get paid, I get to go shopping for a load of holiday clothes and start packing!

My little seven month old puppy never fails to make me smile - seeing his adorable wee face in the morning makes getting up at 7am so much easier!

Skinny Love

The problem with the world these days is that if you don't look ill, you aren't.

For almost three years I have suffered from eating disorders. Binging, purging, restricting. This resulted in me being diagnosed with EDNOS, in other words, 'eating disorder not otherwise specified'. That basically translated to "you are not skinny enough to be classed as anorexic but you are showing all the symptoms of anorexia". In some ways, this made things so much worse. I had just been told I had an eating disorder but I fell short of the criteria of giving it the name that everyone refers eating disorders to.

Being skinny was the only thing on my mind for far too long. I became so fixated on the number on the scale. I went from a healthy 125lbs right down to 98lbs. I went as far as tricking myself into thinking that the severe pain in my stomach, caused by the hunger, was actually a good thing. It meant that I was getting skinnier because my body wasn't gaining any calories. I was in complete denial.

I firmly believed that calorie counting was completely normal, that I was just 'taking care of my body' when in fact, I was making it ill. I became tired all the time, I stopped having a period, I couldn't spend the whole day at school without falling asleep in class, my hair started falling out and my skin became a very odd grey colour. I began to 'look' ill. But, this was the only time people started taking my problem seriously.

I had an eating problem for months before I actually got diagnosed. I would avoid food at lunch at school, I would make up an excuse, like how I had forgotten money, or I ate in my free period before lunch. People soon started to catch on to the fact that I wasn't eating. However, some people started saying horrible comments about how I was doing it all for attention. And it wasn't until I looked ill that people started taking me seriously and realised I wasn't f*cking around.

We need to stop this stigma that eating disorders have to be shown through bones protruding or grey complexion to the skin. Yes, it is a very physical mental condition but everyone needs to realise that any mental illness is in the mind - hence the name mental illness.

Be kind to everyone, you never know what they are going through or what demons they carry around. Ask them how they are, or tell them they look pretty - you might just make their day.

PS: I may possibly take this post down if I get too paranoid about it being public haha

50 things that make me happy

I believe that if we all focus on the positives rather than the negatives, life becomes brighter and less stressful. Recently, I have been going through a bad time with my depression and anxiety and I have been trying to think of all the good things in my life and stop dwelling on the bad points. So here are 50 things that make me happy, smile and positive.

1. My family, even though they get on my last nerves sometimes, I could not ask for better parents, brother and grandparents.
2. My boyfriend, he is a god send. I cannot begin to explain how amazing he has been to me the last nine months of my life because he has done so much for me and I am so grateful for him.
3. Myko. My little Pomeranian fluffball.
4. College. I absolutely love college recently because I can see how far I have come since I start the course and it makes me so happy.
5. Friends. I have the bestest friends anyone could ask for (you know who you are).
6. My iMac.
7. My wee blue Fiat 500.
8. Scented candles.
9. Fairy lights.
10. Work. My work has been amazing, it has allowed me to learn so many different things and I have become so much more confident since I started working as a dental nurse.
11. Car air fresheners.
12. A clean house and bedroom (it doesn't happen often).
13. Roadtrips.
14. Sunny days (yet again, doesn't happen often).
15. Selfies.
16. Nail varnish.
17. Horses. I have five and I absolutely love them all.
18. Infact, all of my animals: three dogs, five horses, six cats, four chickens and a rabbit!
19. Clean bed sheets. 
20. Lazy days.
21. Social media: facebook, twitter, instagram, pinterest, tumblr, and everything else, you know? 
22. Diaries, Journals, Notebooks and Organisers.
23.  The sound of rain hitting against a window.
24. Photography.
25. City breaks.
26. Big cups of tea.
27. Cars.
28. Clothes shopping (if I ever have enough money to spend on clothes without feeling guilty).
29. Surprise Parties.
30. Buying gifts.
31. Flavoured water.
32. The Lake District.
33. Working out and going to the gym (yes, I am weird).
34. Bath bombs.
35. Writing/blogging.
36. Beanies. Especially ones with pom poms on the top of them.
37. Hot water bottles.
38. Colourful Sharpie pens.
39. Hollister body spray.
40. Random cute texts.
41. Elephants. I am obsessed with elephants.
42. Jewellery.
43. Being warm (I get so grumpy when I am cold!)
44. Loud music. I am the kind of person that has her music full volume when she is in the car on her own.
45. Cuddles in bed.
46. Scary movies/walkthroughs.
47. Lipstick,
48. Bonfire nights - a load of friends sitting together, with marshmallows, music and good chat.
49. Books. I am a sucker for a romantic book.
50. Being me. <3

These are just fifty of the hundreds of things that make me happy. I would love to hear what makes you guys happy so if you make a blog post about it, link it below and I will be sure to read and comment!

Keep Motivated

We all seem to lack motivation when we need it most. We have all gone through times when we feel like the only thing we need to be able to complete task a, b, c etc is motivation. Whether that be motivation to get fit, get a job, decorate your room or finish a school or college project.
We procrastinate. Well I know I do and if you say you don't you're lying :)

Procrastination seems to be my speciality - I always leave everything till the last minute and I mean everything. From college work, to getting ready for work. From tidying my room to ordering that thing my mum asked me to order online like a month ago.

Over the years, I have found a few ways that help me overcome procrastination and helps me stay motivated:

1. Pinterest
(ie, social media) Pinterest is my best friend when it comes to motivation. Being able to pin things on a electronic pin board is oddly satisfying. I used to pin (and still do) pictures of tidy rooms and tidy desks. This made me want to have a tidy room and a tidy desk - and when I have a tidy desk, college work always seemed more appealing.
Pin, retweet, share - whatever you can do to give yourself motivation.

2. Music
Upbeat music always makes me want to get up and dance. After listening to dancy, upbeat tunes I seem to gain all the energy in the world which in turn gives me motivation to work out or dance enough that calories are burned.

3. Positives
Think about the positives. I know, easier said than done, right? But it honestly works. If you keep telling yourself the positives that could come out of doing a task you will be surprised how much more you will want to complete it. Such as:
"If I tidy my room I will feel more organised and it will look 100% less like a pigsty and 100% better. "
"If I finish my college work now, I can spend the whole day binge watching netflix without feeling guilty

4. Routine
Once you start realising what helps you become more motivated you will often find that that will be a motivation in itself. You will realise how much better you feel when you don't leave things till the last minute or you eat better or work out more. You will soon get into a routine and it will become like second nature to work out a few times a week, to eat better, dress better, do homework faster.

5. Inspiration
Become an inspiration. Start telling yourself that you want to be the person you looked up to when you were a kid. The person who seemed to have her life together, always looked pretty and was never late. Be that person. You probably inspire so many people right now just by being you and you don't know it.
Now, I am not saying do whatever you can to please people. There is a fine line between being motivated for yourself and doing things just to make you look better. Find that line.

Now we all have different ways of motivating ourselves but these are the 5 that help me with day-to-day tasks and once I get into a routine and motivate myself to do all the little boring things in life, life gets better.

Hello February

                                                                                      Photo Credit: https://www.flickr.com/photos/fvdvpics 
Hello February,

I know this blog post is a bit late, but my life has been very busy the last week! First of all I got a Pomeranian puppy (blog post about that will come later) and I have been working most days.
Anyway, January was a pretty good month - usually I am skint the whole time and I get really stressed because of it. However, this year, I had saved enough money to keep me going until pay day and I was always kept busy with work and friends.

One of my resolutions this year was to make mini resolutions each month - I felt that this way would have been more achievable so here are my 8 resolutions/goals for February

1. Walk my dog at least once a day
After getting my little puppy a couple of weeks ago, I have made a big thing about wanting to walk him every day - it gets us both exercise and fresh air.

2. Start assignments as soon as I get them
College has become very busy and stressful and my one downfall is leaving everything to last minute so this month I am trying my hardest to start everything as soon as I can.

3. Stop being late to college everyday
I AM LATE EVERY MORNING. Most of the time its only by 5/10 minutes but it annoys me that I am so disorganised that I cant get to college for 9am so that is why its one of my goals this month.

4. Enjoy work
I have recently started dreading going to work because it can be such a long day. However, when I get there I always have a good time so I need to get in a better mindset about going to work. We all need to work hard to get the things we want so why make it a chore?!

5. Stop spending money on unhealthy snacks
I am the worst for buy sweets, crisps and fizzy drinks. I need to stop. Its 1. So bad for my health and teeth 2. Wasting all my money.

6. Use my phone less
I know I use my phone too much and I dont spend enough time with the people around me so I would like to become less obsessed with checking blogs, twitter and emails whilst I'm out trying to socialise.

7. Take my camera with me everywhere
As a photographer I leave my camera at home more times than I would like to admit. I should be carrying it with me everywhere because I always end up seeing gorgeous landscapes or beautiful flowers and regret leaving it at home!

8. Exercise more
I used to exercise everyday but I have stopped after I had to quit the gym due to financial reasons. I know I can still work out at home but recently struggled to find the motivation so I have added lots of pins to my Pinterest board to try to motivate myself again!

I will write a review of how this all went in my February favourites post at the end of the month and see if I stuck to any of them!

6 Ways to Help Anxiety

I have suffered from anxiety for almost 4 years now so during this time I have learned of a few things that help me calm down either right before, or during an anxiety attack.

1. Breathing and muscle relaxation techniques
I will write a full blog post about this in detail but essentially you tense and relax all of your muscles individually 10 times each - you will soon realise that the minute your muscles are relaxed it will in turn relax you.

2. Walks
This one won't be for everyone but when I feel anxious I love walking. The fresh air, being alone and constant change of scenery really helps me to take my mind off of whatever is stressing me out.

3. Sleep
This one is obvious, but most forget how important it is. A good night sleep will help your mind set and in turn help your anxiety.

4. Exercise
When you exercise endorphins are released making you feel good. This one is a win/win situation as it will help anxiety and make you look great in the long run (pun intended!).

5. Cut out / limit your caffeine intake.
Caffeine has a big play on anxiety - it can lead to an increased heart rate, which we all know too well that when anxiety attacks occur we feel like we are having a heart attack!

6. Watch a movie
Getting distracted from reality for a while could be exactly what you need to calm down.

These are the things that help me out, I would love to hear what helps you!